American Afternoon For 1/31/06

See, I can write something that nothing to do with 24 or Jack Bauer. This is just a quick wrap up of some interesting news bits. Also, is it me, or does Stephen Harper look like Paul Gross, from Due South? I expect him to have some kind of arctic mutt by his side.

• Never send a machine to do a man’s job, since the machines aren’t as effective, at least in stopping illegal Mexican immigrants. But with even more $ spent on more ineffective security gear, shouldn’t the U.S review how it spends defense money?
• Fast food doesn’t need to be faster, you just need employees to speak English and not give you a Jr. Bacon Cheesburger when you ask for Crispy Chicken Nuggets. Or not hand off your food to the car in front of you. Or, perhaps, just make better food? But faster? Nah.
• Nutrisystem is trying to lure male dieters with promises of better sex. Okay…
• People like this give cops a bad name by abusing their power and not following the rules. Yes, force can be necessary, but there’s no need to beat the shit out of people like that.
• Prime Minister Harper continues to make sense by weighing the options ahead of him and maturely working with the other parties. Things look good for Canada.

Why Jack Is Everyone’s Hero… (Updated)

“I’m done talking to you. You’ve read my file. I’ll start by cutting your right eye out and then your left… and I’ll cut and cut and cut until you tell me what I want to know.”

- Jack Bauer, with a knife in Walt Cummings face. Walt’s the man who has just betrayed the U.S and allowed nerve gas to be stolen. You just can’t help but cheer when Jack uses torture in the name of justice, even though we all seem to react so diversely to real-life torture. Jack Bauer brings America together in violent matrimony.

Remember, you can watch 24 every Monday. If you want to get caught up with the best stuff, just start with Season 4. It’ll give you all you need to know and I think it’s the best overall season of the show. We’re only on Season 5 (”Day 5″), so you won’t be too far behind.

Wouldn’t It Be Nice If Jack Bauer & Frank Martin Were Real?

No, really, think about it for one moment. What if we spent some money and created a real Jack Bauer (pictured above)? He’d solve all the world’s problems in 24 hours. Last year he stopped a nuclear crisis, a nuclear missile and defeated a terrorist cell by himself. America, as a whole, can’t do it in 5 years…so why not get Bauer on the job? Osama’s hiding? Jack will find him. Can’t stop the Iranian nuclear program? Jack will do it. Need to torture people? Jack loves that. Need a fall guy? Jack will do it and somehow not be bitter when his country turns on him. Need to take on the Chinese government? Jack has enough balls and gravitas to take on all of Asia. And win. Of course, everyone close to him will likely suffer horrible fates, but hey, that’s price of freedom, right? Add in Frank Martin, our hero from The Transporter 1&2, and Jck will get everywhere in time and with better back up then those CTU people, who arrest him at least once a year.

Remember, 24 airs tonight and this week brings us new episodes of The Shield, Battlestar Galactica and Desperate Housewives. Lost skips a week and after last week’s episode, I’m ok with that: hopefully Charlie disappears for a little while as well.

American Morning For 1/30/06

Good morning and welcome to another useless edition of Arune.Com’s link dump. This is about all you can expect, till I have more “academic” or “intellectual” things to post. Today we begin with the CBC’s assessment of the Harper administration in Canada, outlining what to expect. That said, the new PM has already made a lot of fans by standing up to the U.S, so he knows how to play the game correctly.

The SAG Awards were announced last night and I like a lot of the choices. Of course, any awards show where the mind numbing Commander In Chief isn’t honored is fine by me. I’m happy to see the awards for Crash, Lost, Walk The Line and of course, for Arune.Com hero Kiefer Sutherland. The best part of the show, from what I’ve heard, is this snippet from Lost’s Terry O’Quinn:

“A friend of mine always says if you don’t have something nice to say about someone, say it,” said “Lost” co-star Terry O’Quinn, surrounded by fellow cast members.

“This is the saddest collection of climbing, grasping, paranoid, back-stabbing, screen-grabbing schmoozers and losers that you ever saw in your life. But we love each other very much.

Finally, we have this year’s Razzies, which awards the worst movies of the year. I agree with most of the picks, but no aspect of Batman Begins deserves to be there, even if it is the annoying Katie Holmes. And frankly, I enjoyed the new Dukes of Hazzard as a fun little comedy. Nothing mind blowing, but still fun and consistent throughout the film.

Video Party

So, the above image has nothing to do with this post, but The Transporter rocks, so there. And if you don’t like it, well…be that way.

• Conan O’Brien’s hilarious “Molecular Man” video, a nice spoof of Superman.
• Some people take video games too seriously and this kid is psychotic. I remember the good old days of Goldeneye with Kurt, Marco & Jim, and we were NEVER this bad. The end is the real payoff, when the kid loses it.
• But this kid is nuts, as he argues with his mom while playing some X-Box game. This kid needs to be pistol whipped.
• For all you dog lovers out there, here’s the dumbest dog ever.
• And from The Daily Show, we have a great clip about a Superman impersonator. Just click on “Man Of Steel resolve”
• Or from The Colbert Report, we have the debate over eavesdropping, with a GREAT Superman homage. Check it out here.
• Finally, we have The Picard Song. This one is for Kurt Ingram.

Thanks to Justin for some of the links.

PM Harper: Giving Canada Some Balls

Hate him or love him, but Stephen Harper is standing up for Canada and asserting its unique identity in the face of opposition. This doesn’t mean he’ll be a great Prime Minister, but this is a good start.

Oh Canada, Our Home and Gunless Land…

The Canadian Border Patrol might want to get some guns, considering that, oh, I don’t know, EVERYONE ELSE HAS THEM? Thankfully PM Harper looks to be providing weapons for the guards and they won’t have to run away from people with water guns anymore. Sorry Canada, you can’t defend your country with politeness and Timbits.

The Ingram Commandments, Episode #1

ARUNE.COM would like to welcome Canadian Bureau chief correspondent Kurt Ingram, a noted Canadian political figure who has been able to speak with the reclusive Canadian scholar and political rebel Jacques Beavertail. He’ll be bring us interviews with Monsieur Beavertail whenever possible. Ok guys, take it away!

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Kurt: I’ve been able to speak with noted Canadian political scientist and all-around hoser sage, Jacques Beavertails, who’s invited me to interview him at his remote, lakeside cabin near Kenora, Ontario.

K: So the Conservative’s have finally got back into Ottawa after a long long trek in the wilderness, since 1993 in fact. Does this mean Canada’s political landscape is tilted towards Bush-style Republicanism?

JB: Non, non, not at all!!! That is a FOX news wet dream. Sure the Conservative leader, Stephen Harper, is now leader. He wants better relations with Washington, he is against gay marriage, he wants smaller government, more tax cuts, bigger army…. But ya know what? He may barely get any of it!

K: What do you mean?

JB: Well, he’s the leader all right, but of a very fragile and fractured minority…. He’ll need the co-operation and input of the 3 opposition parties to get anything passed. And guess what? Da Conservatives are the ONLY right-wing party in Canada. The 3 opposition parties, with respect to Harper’s position can be best described as “left, lefter and leftest”.

K: So the US Ambassador shouldn’t have a big Texan style ho-down in celebration?

JB: No … perhaps a few cans of Canuck Moosehead beer might be in order though - it still is some good news for Bush. Look the best thing Harper can bring is a change of tone. Outgoing Liberal blowhard Paul Martin had created such a poisoned atmosphere in Ottawa-Washington relations that they were barely even talking…. Harper’s a fresh face who has expressed admiration for US Conservatives.

K: But how much fawning over Bush can he do?

JB: Enough to get better relations, but Harper can’t be some Blair-esque poodle, or Australian anti-terror wallaby - his weak minority will ensure that. Harper said before he was elected, no Canucks in Iraq beyond humanitarian/reconstruction experts. He wants continued involvement in Afghanistan and Haiti, which the Washington gangs likes to hear, but guess what? Canada is already involved in those hellholes anyways –and they weren’t even election issues with the public. Maybe we could throw a few more troops or aid workers and cash there, but that’s it. Harper said he would re-open the door to Bush’s Star Wars missile defence scheme that the previous Liberal regime slammed shut, but again, the 3 opposition parties were against it…. so don’t count on any batteries of interceptor rockets in The Great White North anytime soon.

K: So Canadians are basically still anti-American??

JB: Not at all, my small-minded blogger!!! Canadians like having decent, cordial relationships with our Yankee Doodle Dandy neighbours. We DO want leaders who stand up for our interests, but at the same time, we DON’T want someone who picks needless fights to appeal to the ultra-nationalist vote. That was that waffler Martin’s problem. We greatly support the War On Terror — but like many all over the world, and even in the USA, didn’t think going to Iraq was a good way to win it. Look, the Bushies have been pushing Canada to spend more on our army for years…. Harper supported that…. last election, when he was trounced and generally laughed at, he proposed buying mini-invasion carriers for our troops. The Liberals said Harper, as PM, would loan them out for Shrub’s adventures all over the world. Not surprisingly, Harper lost. Now in 2006, Harper again campaigned on more military spending — but this time on patrol ships for the Arctic, transport planes for the army, and expanding DART, the army’s disaster relief and nation-building unit. None of these are offensive forces, but should still make the Pentagon simile. Better Arctic defence means a tighter Norther perimeter to North America. Transport planes can mean Canadian troops, or relief supplies can get around the world faster. And finally, a larger DART team means more nation-building activities. While not terror-busting per se, even the US Army realizes in Iraq, Afghanistan and Haiti, rebuilding functioning states prevents terrorists from setting up shop. So a win-win
situation.

K: So basically, no major shakeups? But better relations?

JB: You got shrimpo! On a subtle level, but a level that nonetheless should appease all. Order has been restored to the Canuck political universe. Now if you will excuse me, I’ve to go tend to some maple syrup lines, canoe over to the convenience store for back bacon, and finish this case of Moosehead, all before noon… Be gone with you!

Clark Kent, new WWF Champion?

Television networks UPN and WB are becoming one joint network called CW, which oughta make things interesting. A lineup including the WWE, Veronica Mars, Smallville, Everybody Hates Chris and such makes for an interesting programming schedule. I’ll be interested to see how this pans out, but I think this network will have a real chance. Perhaps we’ll get the Veronica Mars/Smallville crossover, where Smallville would finally exploit all the potential of the excellent series pilot. It might also mean that Angel and Buffy might find new life, since the former was controlled by WB and the latter by UPN. Sure, it’ll probably never happen, but it’s one less obstacle is Joss Whedon wants to try.

Superman, Canada and More

Here’s a little bit of news before I head out the door.

• CNN has an interesting article about the big films this year, highlighting Superman Returns as the big release. While I do believe this will be a phenomenal film, I also wonder if people will really rush out to see the film. Does the world really care about a Superman film? I’m surprised how big Spider-Man and its sequel were, so I could be wrong. A lot of people find Superman boring, so I hope they come out for this film to see how nuanced the character can be when done right.
• The cast of Lost have earned some big raises. Considering the quality of this show, it’s sad they earn so much less than a show like Friends
• Speaking of Friends, the show may return as a series of specials in 2007.
• Stephen Harper won the Canadian election, making him the new Prime Minister. I know a lot of left-wingers aren’t happy and yes, Harper’s cabinet is a bit nuts, but his views have seemed moderate in the reports I’ve read and the Liberals deserved to lose. They had to pay for decieving and bilking a country. I’m glad Paul Martin resigned.
• Sexual harassment is going up at U.S universities, and while it’s a serious issue, everyone has such a different idea of harassment, so take these figures with a grain of salt. For some, a percieved “sexual glance” is harassment, for others it’s no big deal: it’s real hard to tell. That said, it is a problem that needs to be dealt with, but I have no idea how one would begin to combat such an issue.
• Speaking of Sex, Sex.Com sold for millions, which shouldn’t come as a surprise. That’s the perfect URL for adult entertainment, if you’re into that, and could be very profitable if managed correctly.